How to Develop Your Intuition

By Gary Stollman, Ph.D.

As a Los Angeles psychotherapist and Professional life coach I have always been intrigued with a facility we all possess; intuition. Intuition can be defined as a sense of knowing something without any empirical evidence. To some this is a divine source of knowing, while to others intuition is about listening to instinct.

Several years past I attended a seminar held by my mentor, Dr. David Viscott. At one point during the question-answer portion of the seminar, a woman stood up out of turn and raised her hand to ask a question. Dr. Viscott motioned for her to wait for a moment until he finished answering another participant’s question. When he was through answering the other person’s question, he then turned to the woman and said, “No need to ask your question. I already know the question you are about to ask and I have the answer for you.”

The audience (myself included) sat in eager anticipation to hear what he had to say. He then proceeded to tell her, “Your question is why it is that you attract weak men who fear commitment and the answer is that you push the strong commitment-minded men away and they let you know that they just don’t feel a connection.”

He went on to explain that he used his intuition to answer her “unasked” question. He stated that he listened to his gut reaction when the woman raised her hand in the middle of his answering another participant’s question. From his “gut feeling” he intuited that the woman, who was rather pushy, would naturally be a turn off to men and that a strong man would simply not tolerate her aggressiveness. A weak man, on the other hand, just may. He then pointed out that when he had not been able to answer her question at the exact moment she wanted it answered, she folded down her lower lip and pouted. “Pouting”, he continued, “is a child-like behavior that evolves developmentally as we mature.” He then reasoned that few men would be willing to commit to a woman who engaged in overly child-life behaviors as a means of getting her way.

We all looked at the woman for her response. Her jaw dropped and she quietly sad back down encompassed by a sense of amazement. Dr. Viscott was “spot on.”

Everyone experiences flashes of their intuition at times. This is what you are doing when you wonder whether you are wondering about people, places, facts, ideas, decisions, etc. In order to improve upon your intuition, you must first learn to relax and tune into whatever hunches may come to you. Your initial gut reaction is often right and may be a way your mind is trying to tell you something. The problem most people face is that they don’t trust themselves. Instead, they second guess their gut reactions to the point where they find themselves in a state of confusion. So, a second step to improve upon your intuition is simply to trust whatever comes to mind. When working with patients for example, an image may come to mind that reveals something about the person I am working with. Seeing a patient carrying the world on his or her shoulders for example, may indicate that the person I am working with feels burdened or overwhelmed. When checking out my hunches with clients I’m always surprised as to how accurate they are. You may vacillate between what your rational mind says and what you intuitively know to be true. Save yourself time and trouble and give your gut feelings more credit. Oftentimes, if you honor and examine your initial emotion, you'll find that what you “figured out” via your intellect may be counter-indicated.

The more you allow yourself to listen to your intuition, the more skilled you will become at intuiting things and situations. It’s like trying anything new; at first, it may feel strange and you lack confidence in your abilities. Soon thereafter however, your newly acquired skill seems like second nature. Create a space for yourself where you can sit quietly. Close your eyes and call up the idea that you want to find clarity on. At that point, simply allow thoughts and ideas to flow into your mind. Let go and relax. When you start trusting yourself on the deepest of levels, you too may discover that you are “spot on.”