Four Ways to Make Your Relationship Better and Stronger this Year

By Gary Stollman, Ph.D.

As part of my practice, I do life coaching by phone and help people to reach their goals effectively (coaching). If you’re like nearly 48 percent of Americans you probably made a New Year’s resolution. But, at the end of the first quarter of the year, how close were you to keeping it?

When the pursuit of any goals you set for yourself fails, it’s natural to wonder why. After all, you may think that reaching goals seems to be so easy for some, and nearly impossible for you.

What makes it possible for Apolo Ohno to become the most successful Winter Olympics athlete, when you’re still struggling with the same obstacles you’ve been battling for years, whether it’s poor finances, weight loss, or a bad job situation? After all, he’s working with the same 24 hours you have…or is he?

De-clutter your time to reach your goals.

People who achieve their goals are pros at managing their time well. On the other hand, if you persistently have problems reaching your goals, your 24 hours are very likely cluttered with activities or situations that do not enhance your ability to attain your desires.

Daydreaming, procrastination, focusing on less-important issues or activities, and being drawn into other people’s problems eat away at the time you should be spending on laying the groundwork and taking the necessary steps to reach your goals.

De-clutter your motivation.

According to Edwin A. Locke and Gary P. Latham in “Building a Practically Useful Theory of Goal Setting and Task Motivation,” published in American Psychologist, in the 50s and 60s, the North American psychology community scoffed at studying motivation. However, motivation can play an integral part in setting goals, making plans and breaking down those plans into small steps that make your goals more achievable.

Motivation is also connected to how important you view your goals. Are those goals you’re failing to reach just wishful thinking, or are they really that crucial to you, or are you trying to please someone else?

While in some cases external pressure, for instance from parents or your boss, may be instrumental in the goals you set and reaching them, for others, intrinsic motivation plays a bigger role in successfully achieving their goals.

Set higher, clearer goals.

According to Locke and Latham, more challenging and specific goals trigger the highest levels of effort and performance. It brings to mind that saying, “reach for the moon, because if you don’t make it you’ll land among the stars.”

When you’re de-cluttering to reach your goals, eliminate mental messages such as “I will do my best,” which may not produce stellar efforts. Also, take the fluff off your goals — instead of setting a vague goal such as “I want to improve my finances,” set a goal of reducing your debt by $5,000 by August 1, 2010.

Clear away excuses.

Excuses are huge roadblocks to attaining your goals. Some of the more common ones include:

It’s just not meant for me.
I just don’t have the time.
Even if I try, I’ll probably fail any way.
I’m too old to try, my time has past.
It’s all down to luck, and I’ve got rotten luck.
It’s really not that important.

Any of these sound familiar? Many excuses are beliefs that you’ve learned over time. You become used to relying on them whenever pursuing a goal, or the possibility of not achieving it, becomes overwhelming.

Finally, take a step back. Re-evaluate your beliefs and your behaviors that are preventing you from reaching your goals. Then focus on building up new attitudes and new behaviors that will help to make your dreams a reality.