Four Ways to Make Your Relationship Better and Stronger this Year

By Gary Stollman, Ph.D.

Is enjoying a more fulfilling and happier relationship among your new year's resolutions? Perhaps you've been experiencing relationship problems for a while and need to save your marriage, or the rocky economy took its toll on you and your partner last year. As a psychotherapist and Los Angeles life coach, I'm always looking for ways couples can renew the passion and commitment in their relationship. Here are four ways you can renew the passion and strengthen the commitment in your relationship:

1. Try to resolve the past. If you really want to renew your bond, you've got to let old wounds heal. Constantly dragging up the past - especially in arguments - prevents you from moving forward. It can also lead to either you or your partner punishing each other for past mistakes.

To begin the process make a date to discuss the key recurring problems in your relationship. Stay positive during your discussion and use "I" phrases instead of "you" phrases, which sound like blaming. Come up with at least three possible solutions to each problem.

Also, agree to bury past mistakes and to move forward with your new approaches to any problems such as not spending enough time together, financial difficulties, or in-law issues.

2. Become friends (again). True, not all relationships start out as friendships, but research does show that the most enduring and healthiest relationships are between people who started off as friends.

To fuel your friendship, spend quality time together. Even an hour spent curled up in bed with a board game, a relaxing bath for two, or a movie night at home can rekindle your closeness. Share each other's passions - whether that's attending sporting events, going to concerts, or cooking.

Friends also genuinely want the best for each other; practice putting each other first and doing little things that you know would make your partner happy. Also, even during difficult periods remember what you like about your partner.

3. Ask for what you need. It's not uncommon for one partner in a relationship to expect that the other partner will automatically fill his or her needs. When these expectations aren't met, you may feel disappointment, bitterness and resentment. These reactions aren't only unfair, they're self defeating.

Don't expect your partner to be a mind reader. Let him know how you feel, what you expect from a certain situation, or fears and concerns you have. For instance, if you want to spend more time with your partner, then say so. If you're feeling bored in your relationship and want to try new things, let your partner know.

It's also important to ask for space if that's what you need. Going off into your cave without a warning could cause unintended hurt and insecurity in your relationship.

4. Don't take your partner for granted. As relationships progress, it's easy to start taking your partner for granted. If you can't remember when you last sent a love note, usually grunt on your way out the door in the mornings, or leave all the chores to your partner, this could be sucking the love and life out of your relationship.

Remember that in a relationship you should sweat the small stuff. A romantic Valentine's day present won't make up for the other 364 days of being taken for granted. This year make it a habit to hug and kiss your partner before going to work and when you get home. Pitch in more around the home and offer little tokens of your love…just because. Also, send love notes by text or email. They don't have to be elaborate; a simple note to say "I love you," or "thinking of you" will do.